♡⋅˚Starting Over˚⋅♡

I have thoughts that keep me up tonight but here I am hands on keyboard unable to put it down to words. How do you have everything you ever dream of as a child; you have everything everyone else dreams of and still feels... unhappy like something is missing? This song is so nostalgic as I am a sucker for music set the mood and this one is my mood tonight.

I loved it then as a child but never did understood what this song is about. HERE I am 23 years later and finally understanding what Britney Spear feels. I feel lonely; while being surrounded by so many peoples and love ones. I don't feel like myself and those that doesn't know will think I am going through  a midlife crisis. 

I'm also not one to share my struggles behind the scene but maybe my journey to self healings will one day help somene else get past it. I don't know if anyone is reading this and honestly... maybe I don't want anyone else to find this blog because I'm not sure I want others to see me rise and fall and rise and fall again... like a child learning to walk - in this journey. Too many are so used to see me winning and shining so brightly all the time; they can't fathom me struggling and I don't know if I want to share this with them. 

I want to badly to be seen for who I am instead of who people wish I was, pretend I was, confused I was, need me to be, expects me to be; ect. I'm tired and I want to live a little more selfishly. 

Maybe this feeling is a calling from god to move on from where I am at....because it's not where I am meant to be.